Vientiane
Unlike other capitals in Southeast Asia, Vientiane is not a 24/7 shopping frenzy. Its laid-back vibe makes it feel like a small town, which makes sense, because that’s exactly what it is.
If there was a ‘World’s Softest Capital’ competition, Vientiane would win hands down. Backpackers head south to get drunk and float down the river that skirts the town of Vang Vieng. Sophisticated travelers focus on the luxurious Laotian capital, Vientiane, usually before visiting Luang Prabang. Unusually for a capital, Vientiane sits just across the border, the one it has with Thailand, across the Friendship Bridge. However, the influence that shines brightest is French. For starters, the name is gallicized. The original name, Viangchan, which means ‘Moon City’ in the native Laotian language, proved too complicated for the French language.
Expect French food, French flowers (marigolds), even the Arc de Triomphe, well, a monstrous concrete model, known as the Arc de la Victoria. Nicknamed the Vertical Runway because it was built with cement donated by the United States in 1969 for the construction of the airport, the arch is a little higher than the original, to annoy the French, but unfinished. One sign blames this on the tumultuous history of Laos, which presumably means the punishment inflicted by the French, Japanese, Chinese, Burmese, Vietnamese, Thai, and Americans. But all that was a while ago. Even the poster itself acknowledges the monument’s shortcomings, calling it a ‘concrete monster’. There is no twist here. Cynics may wonder why the landlocked communist state still can’t get its act together and finish the job. The decrepitude that the arch embodies also extends to the streets, so be careful not to step on a pothole or manhole.
Also beware of the tuk-tuk drivers, who are just as enterprising as you’ll find in Asia. Always set a price and clarify your destination before jumping in. Otherwise, expect to be taken to the wrong side of town for more Kip, the currency that has absolutely no value, than you’d like to spend. The perfect remedy for a white-knuckle tuk-tuk ride is a session at one of Vientiane’s many excellent and ridiculously cheap spas. For a blast from Kip, you can experience a much less brutal massage than Thai boxer mimes receive, and in much more atmospheric surroundings.
Blessed with Indochinese-style handbags and the most joyous residents, Vientiane blends Gallic flair with Asian mystique. This style also influences and permeates the sauces and aromas of the exquisite cuisine available at the world-class French restaurants in Fountain Square. For those travelers who are sorely fed up with the sickly sweet white wheat products falsely presented as “bread” in most of Southeast Asia, the lunch baguettes and breakfast croissants available in most parts of Laos will mean a very welcome change.
The culinary alternative to Fountain Square is the Mekong. Its nearby shoreline is lined with dozens of cheaper but equally good Asian restaurants, where diners lounge on mats and watch the sun set over the river over a cold Beer Lao, the delicious default state drink. If you can tear yourself away from Vientiane’s culinary attractions, perhaps visit the National Museum of Laotian History. Set on Main Street, it sounds and looks dull, but is brought to life by its lingo of jingoistic rage against the invader. Check out the photos of sniper peasants and displays of chunky weapons. “Weapons ordered by US imperialists for their puppets,” screams one caption.
If your spine can handle the bone-shaking 15-mile drive, then take a trip from Vientiane to perhaps the area’s most memorable attraction: that memory card-consuming icon, the Buddha Park sculpture garden. There, leaning at crazy angles, gigantic concrete statues of Buddhist and Hindu gods jostle each other with fantastical likenesses of real and imagined beasts. The highlight must be the giant, three-story pumpkin representation of Hell, Earth, and Heaven, entered through the jaws of a demon head. More kitsch than religious, but a fun day. Apparently designed by Salvador Dalí while drugged beyond his eyes, Buddha Park dates back to 1958 and owes its existence to the mystic seer Luang Pu Bunleua Sulilat, who left Laos after the 1975 communist takeover. The park is in stark contrast to the golden, gorgeous temples in the city center which stick more to the rule book but, like Buddha Park, also have a slightly hallucinatory feel about them.
While these attractions are worth visiting, Vientiane lacks the truly monumental, instead capturing the senses with its tranquility and idiosyncratic charm. It’s a place to eat, people watch, relax, get a massage, maybe visit one of the respectable nightclubs. Vientiane lacks vitality, but for so many visitors with enough energy expended in their daily lives, this is just what the doctor ordered.