Every time we enter a human space, we consciously and unconsciously tune in to and are influenced by the emotions of those around us, both positively and negatively. This innate tendency to be emotionally “in tune” with the other humans around us is what psychological researchers call emotional contagion.
We instinctively respond to the emotional tone of those around us, and all normal human beings are susceptible to emotional contagion to some degree.
Emotional contagion and empathy
Emotional contagion in its most positive form is the foundation of the human virtue of empathy. We need to be emotionally in tune with others in order to understand them, get along with them, and function effectively in the human social world.
The finely detailed observation skills of highly sensitive people make them more receptive than most to the nuances of other people’s feelings. This sometimes leads them to withdraw from crowds, as the mass of emotional messages is too confusing. But even the one-on-one relationship can be emotionally challenging for a person who reads and responds strongly to subtle emotional cues from others.
Since HSP’s own emotional responses are intense, quick to emerge, and difficult to shake, they often find themselves uncomfortably caught up in other people’s feelings. Being in tune with the rawness of other people’s emotions and even coming to terms with them through emotional contagion can be an unpleasant and aversive experience.
Danger of codependency
Since indirectly experiencing the unhappiness, anger, or despair of others is so painful for a highly sensitive individual, it is easy to understand why it would be tempting for them to collude or handle social situations to keep others on an emotionally balanced keel. When the need to ensure that those around you are never angry or upset becomes a concern, there is a danger of developing codependent relationships.
Psychologist Fatima Nabi describes codependent behavior:
“Codependents feel responsible for others. They feel anxious when they learn that others are having difficulties and will do whatever it takes to ease their burdens. Codependents’ obsession with caring for others affects their personal lives. It is easy for them to co-dependents to allow others to take advantage of them, however this leads to feelings of resentment. ”
Staying ahead of the other’s emotional curve.
Because a sensitive person is so capable of empathically intuiting what others are feeling, and because they are often quite adept at recognizing and naming feelings, they are sometimes in the peculiar position of having a better idea of what than your family member or partner. it is feeling of what that person can.
This foresight often leads to the temptation to manage situations proactively.
Sometimes this is simple kindness and tact.
- A sensitive interlocutor will gently divert the conversation when the subject begins to address an area that the other might find painful, for example, babies may not be discussed with a woman who has just had a miscarriage.
Unfortunately, reluctance to deal with a painful subject may not always be in the best interest of the sensitive person.
The unwillingness of a highly sensitive person to risk arousing strong emotions in others may mean that they collude with their partners or loved ones, or that they remain silent when it is necessary to discuss potentially exciting topics.
- The woman who had a miscarriage may need to talk about it to feel better, even at the risk of breaking down in tears or raging against fate.
- A partner who is embarrassed about a drinking problem can easily feel angry when it is brought up, but they need help to stop their self-destructive behavior.
- An adult child who is not looking for work and continues to live at home may need to confront his irresponsible and immature behavior in order to grow.
In a codependent scenario, a very sensitive person may tolerate bad or destructive behavior from their partner, family members, or friends just to avoid
“a scene”. The normal and reasonable personal needs or projects of the sensitive person can be forever bypassed to avoid conflict in a relationship.
“Warned is armed in advance” … or “This is going to hurt me as much as it does you … (really)!”
The willingness to engage in a direct and frank discussion of painful topics is an important interpersonal skill worth cultivating as courage and discipline.
- Understanding that some of the anxiety you feel may be an emotional contagion and that it originates from the other rather than yourself makes it easier to tolerate.
- Waiting Arousal and providing strategies to calm down after the difficult encounter, such as listening to your favorite music or taking a brisk walk, can help reduce the overall impact of the exciting encounter.
Although exposure to another person’s raw emotions is difficult and even literally painful for a sensitive person, this pain can be met with courage and determination when it is recognized that the gain is worth the effort.