Simply put, different problems require different solutions. So when it comes to tips for raising a defiant child, ordinary discipline techniques won’t work. The main difference between defiance and disobedience is the general reason behind it. Sometimes what should be relatively obvious becomes a problem, when it comes to some children, the obvious is not always an option.
Children who disobey have a number of different reasons for their behavior. Defiant children have only one reason and one reason only. The general rule of thumb when considering defiance is that defiant children are always focused on undermining their authority, usually at all costs. They are not learning their limits or testing you. They are directly challenging your authority. This is the reason and the goal.
This can be one of the many reasons behind knowing why your children are misbehaving because it is so important. It is very helpful in finding a solution to your concerns about misbehavior and discipline. When it comes to your child, you should never assume that you know why your child misbehaves.
In this case, always go the extra mile or step to fully determine and understand the real reason behind the misbehavior. This becomes especially important before applying any discipline. It is not uncommon for defiant children to have serious internal problems that cause their behavior.
Things like anxiety, depression, learning disabilities, self-esteem issues, or just inner pain from a lack of attention. Children are commonly affected by these emotional experiences and lack the ability to manage them. They also lack the understanding to explain or express these feelings, making them difficult to interpret. Discovering all this is not always easy either.
This can present a problem because of the importance of disciplining your child right away. Immediately after the misbehavior so that the connection to that behavior is as strong as possible. Raising a defiant child can test us, sometimes to our breaking point. The key is to completely depersonalize it. Stay firmly objective. This will be your best chance to change the wrong behavior.
The defiant child uses personal attacks as leverage. So if you take away that leverage, he or she has nothing to work with. This may be her only leverage point for getting into the mindset of her son’s behavior and doing what she can to reverse it.
These tips are what helped so many parents stuck in the same situation.
1. Always assure them of your unconditional love and support. Verbalize it and show it. Children who do not feel accepted by their parents will be much less likely to follow their parents’ example. They also won’t internalize any of your lessons about how you think they should behave.
2. Always stay calm, especially when it’s hardest. In the end, you find out a lot more about what’s going on without becoming a part of it.
3. Ask your defiant or disobedient child to name some of the best options, or options that would have had a more positive outcome. Always prompt and support the verbalization and naming of feelings out loud before acting on them.
4. Get in the habit of Suspending your judgment. Practice this regularly and listen patiently. Also try not to jump straight to the worst case scenario.
5. Find a good system of quality disciplinary solutions that have worked for others in similar situations. This route can help prevent unnecessary medical treatment and should always be used first. Exercise the recommended advice with patience and common sense, always keeping in mind that you get what you put into it. You know your child best and your situation is unique.
6. After all options have been exhausted, seek professional care starting with a psychologist before going to a psychiatrist. The difference between the two for those who do not know is that a Psychologist does not prescribe or treat with medications, while a Psychiatrist (usually much more expensive) treats patients with neurological medications. A psychologist also determines if there is a need and would recommend a psychiatrist.
There are many more tips for raising a challenging child that don’t fit in this article. But hopefully the differences between defiance and disobedience have been clarified at least a bit more. The challenge is an entirely different problem that may require a doctor’s attention. However, information is power and may be unnecessary.