These words from Rubin “Hurricane” Carter, in the true story movie, “The Hurricane” (1999) are etched in golden truth for anyone who has had a real life battle of the titans and won it. It’s like the summary of the movie in a short statement; how a fighter who had dealt with massive injustice all his life had to deal with it in a big way, to break a tortuous 20-year incarceration: his fight for freedom against a system of inherent and rampant corruption.
The part in “The Hurricane” when Carter (played brilliantly by Denzel Washington) says, “We must transcend the things that hold us back,” is particularly poignant. Facing incredible odds of fighting the system, while at the same time maintaining his sanity, Carter was faced with making such a decision: it was crucial to his survival. It required a commitment the same; a commitment to turn his world upside down to stay in the game. He started working and studying at night, and sleeping during the day, anything really, to stay sane and strong. There is a key lesson here. is one of protection. It is about protecting the relatively clean spirit that exists within each of us, protecting it from corruption. Carter identified him. He identified it and then put a plan in motion and executed it. That requires courage and discipline, or together, faith and diligence.
So what stops people? And how do people transcend these things? The key learning and inspiration here is this: there are many things, people, and situations (things + people) that will his most ardent attempt to ‘hold’ us in this life. It is a hard fact of life. This is because many people and things want control over us. This is not based on love.
To make this clear, a ‘hold’ is anything or any relationship that does not resist or cannot face the truth; and everything that corrupts or potentially corrupts. This includes anything downright sinful, relationships that will never be a blessing, or anything that has a negative effect and doesn’t have a good reason for a person to continue considering the many things that could Appear to ‘sustain’ us, but in fact they are really good for us; these are not subject to this discussion. For example, the job we must have, or the critical mentoring relationship that is ‘difficult’ but beneficial. We must contend with these things and endure them, until it is the correct time get out and “move on”.
Whatever you implicitly know to be true will not seek to hold you back. Eugene Peterson wrote about 1 Corinthians 13 in The message paraphrase, Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. The only exception to this is when ‘the hold’ gives you life, for example when someone is trying to break out of a hold, perhaps an addiction. In these moments, in these situations, it is essential to stick because retention is really because of love; often known as “tough love”. It is at these times and places in life that people need to be humble and accept what is good for them and their future. Therefore, this wisdom is not about ‘healthy supports’, which could better be called ‘bonds’.
This wisdom is a call to address codependent style relationships[1] whether personal (in the form of habits, addictions, etc.), with another person (classic codependency), or organizational (for example, within a workplace, club, or religious setting, including sects, churches, mosques, etc.) .
A warehouse is like a corner end. One of our challenges is not only to see through the cellar, but also to be able to break through this layer, because the cellars are really just that, a layer. The truth stands, but the falsehood crumbles once the varnish is broken. One of the most important roles in life is to be able to recognize falsehood and bravely face it by breaking its veneer. Veneer is facade, appearance, the surface of matter only. The truth is a foil for all kinds of lies in life; we must see through and beyond the veneer, to gain ‘life’. It is about learning to delve into such a matter to reveal the truth. Truth withstands challenges and tests.
Again, these matters (the things that sustain us) are of things or people or situations (things + people). Once it has been recognized that the thing/people/situation has a negative hold on us, there has to be a plan to break free. To do this correctly sometimes requires the guidance of those who truly love us and whom we can truly trust.
We must break the cycle of dependency and this can be compared to an insect breaking the surface tension of water; a mosquito lands on it, it does not have the weight or the capacity to cross the surface of the water; weight it takes to get over it. To break the veneer of a codependent relationship takes strength and power; not physical strength and power, but mental, emotional and spiritual strength and power. There must be persistence to break dominance in unhealthy relationships.
This can take months and in some cases years, and requires eternal vigilance.
© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved worldwide.
[1] A “codependent” can be loosely defined as someone who shows too much, and often inappropriate, care for the people who depend on him or her. A “codependent” is one side of a relationship between people who need each other. Dependent or obviously needy parties may have emotional, physical, financial or addictive difficulties that they can’t seem to overcome. The “codependent” party exhibits behavior that controls, excuses, sympathizes, and takes other actions to perpetuate the obviously needy party’s condition, due to their desire to be needed and fear of doing anything that might change the relationship. Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency